Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
