There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
