i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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