there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
