We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
