Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
