Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
