when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
