so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
