Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
