I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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