Welp...herpes.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Randomize
