We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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