smell my finger.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
