It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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