i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
