piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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