i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
