Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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