i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
