Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
