Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I love having hate sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
