if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
