She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
