My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
