He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
