i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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