i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
