I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
