yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
