You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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