Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
