I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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