I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
