Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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