New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize