Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
