He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
