I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
