it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
