i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
