Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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