i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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