I CAN MOONWALK!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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