If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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