Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
