Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
