Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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