The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
