turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
