And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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