The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize