On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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