Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
