I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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