the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
