I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
