I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
