you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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