We won't sleep together?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
