We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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