I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
