Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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