He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
