so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hell yes lets make some ravioli
...so i touched it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
