I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
