She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
