I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
