I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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