i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
