You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
