the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
