So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
