dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
