You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
