I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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