just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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