I CAN MOONWALK!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
