I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
