I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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