I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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